Five Years (Single)

by emma houton

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about

Art by Abigail Houton
"Do You Mind? I Was Having a Conversation."

lyrics

When I was your age I just held my breath
And waited for it to go away
Cant understand why I cant help myself
If I tried to I’d dig my own grave

And if I’m so terrible I’ll never fill my womb
Maybe it’s for their own good
If they’ll bleed out like I did
I’d rather spare them the pain

If you’d known
I’d still think about if five years later
I hope you’d thought
I’d get my damn self together
And if you’d known
I’d still think about it five years later
I know you’d say
it again

How long can I spend splitting my nails
And choking on what I’ve consumed
Just counting the seconds with growing acceptance
Until we’re back from where we came
How long is this coughing, spitting and wrenching
Determining all that I am
When all that I’ve wanted from the beginning
Was to vanish into the blue

So sit down and be still
You just want me to be normal and fine
I can’t help the trouble
Mama, I’d do all that if I could

If you’d known
I’d still think about if five years later
I hope you’d thought
I’d get my damn self together
And if you’d known
I’d still think about it five years later
I know you’d say
it again

credits

released April 11, 2018
Emma Houton-- vocals, writing
Matias Van Order Gonzalez-- guitar

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emma houton New York, New York

songs for voice and electronics

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